New Shears and Poor Lighting ~ Another Cautionary tale

The following conversation took place in February. The incident still follows John today:

John unknowingly went work like this today. What's worse: John looking like this at work or him relying on my judgment @ 7 am, in poor lighting conditions, no glasses and less than one cup of coffee, Ooops!

MW     ~          Oh MY MY...that's why I don't cut my husband’s hair anymore! lol

Me:      ~          I didn't cut it. He did this to himself. I will gladly allow him to go to a professional to take care of his hair. He had to shave it all the way down to the scalp. It's still funny as hell. He had no idea.....

MW:    ~          Oh no! Lol, so you looked at it and said...ya, it's ok :)

Me:      ~          Yes, I did. He didn't turn around. In my defense, I was standing by the bed and he was in the bathroom..... Maybe 15 feet away....

MW:    ~          Lol.

TL:      ~          When did John start cancer treatment? Lol. Damn, I cut my own hair and I can manage to make it look perfect. From now on, keep the shears away from him.

ME:     ~          The shears were new & he hadn't used them before, except for last night when he was trimming his goatee. As for his goatee.... John now has a wicked overgrown 5 o'clock shadow where the ghost of goatee's past used to be. He no longer has hair. We shaved it with a razor. There was no other fix.

KA:     ~          Hmmm is all I have to say..... )o0

TL:      ~          That is totally fixable

Me:      ~          Wrong tense. That WAS totally fixable. It is fixed, don't get me wrong, possibly not the best fix, but it is still fixed ;D

TL       ~          I'm living in the past.

AE:      ~          Ha ha. He is lucky he isn’t married to me. I would have let him go to work like that with me knowing.

Me:      ~          ‎I probably would have, if I would have noticed it. The only problem would have been keeping from laughing and cluing him in to something going on.

CG       ~          Fucking dumb fuck. I love it.

Me:      ~          ‎ I couldn't have said it better myself. Top that with the fact that he had administrative meetings and the hits just keep on coming.

AG:     ~          I think he looks fabulous

John:    ~          Thank you... it's nice to see that someone notices style when they see it...lol

AG:     ~          Of course I do. I also remember all the stylish things you used to do to my bangs when I was a child, lol.

John:    ~          All the practice I had on your hair has finally paid off... this is how we ROLL in Safford.

Fortunately, this isn’t really how we roll in Safford, just how John rolls. May as well go with it. 

Google Images: Why My Husband Is Banned...For life.

My dear husband walks of out the bathroom around 7:00am and is visibly upset with me. I was sleeping and the glare he was giving was enough to awaken me. Using an accusatory tone he asks "Are you really happy?". I was caught off guard and had just opened my eyes. "Yes, I am happy. Things have been kind of crazy busy lately but I am happy". I can tell this isn't the answer he is looking for but I just woke up. I am not a great morning person. "Very convincing" he states in  a sarcastic tone. He walked out of the door and left for work. 

Around 9:30, I get the call. He was still audibly heated so I ask what is going on. You know this can't end well. Husband starts a long story about how, while in his office (the bathroom), searching for Arizona weapon laws, he saw a picture of me, or someone that looks exactly like me on Google images. The picture is of a woman in a compromising position with a male that is not him. He says "I am not saying it is you, it just looks like you". Seriously???

I am so angry at this point, I can no longer speak with him. I am on a mission. I will Google image every possible combination of his search, until I find this image.After about an hour and an adventure into more porn than I need to see, I find it, the elusive image. Now, to be fair, I can see a resemblance. Although, this woman has a large sized tattoo on the back of her neck. I have no tattoos.

I finally cooled down after I sent him a nasty gram via email. His response, "Umm, Oops, sorry wife". Really, you just accused me of having an affair and posting a picture online and you think sorry is going to undo the damage? No wonder I am wife #3. Try again. 

Apparently, he was so upset by the image and thinking it was me, he cancelled his department meeting and was in a very foul mood at work that morning. Good, he deserved it. The moral of this story? Be very careful when you accuse your spouse of spending their days performing sex acts on random men and documenting the evidence on Fapdu. I never knew what Fapdu was until I had to defend my honor against a woman that looked like me.

As the day moved on, the tide turned from anger to humor. Should he have used better judgement? Of course. I have made many grievous errors in judgement over the course of our relationship. Maybe not the exact same mistake, but he has put up with many other poor judgement calls. It's a marriage. We work it out as we go along. My husband reacted emotionally to an image he perceived to be his wife. Our mind's have a way of filling in gaps with past information and experiences. With that thought in mind, he has discovered that his knowledge bank is better spent on Temple Run rather than Google.